A catchy title? Good. But move on there is no sex here. This blog is on the serious subject of book promotion, one of the things every author/publisher needs to do in order to… yes, gain interest, gain sales!
Having recently published my own novel and climbed into the stratosphere of relentless self promotion I have become enlightened by some of the difficulties faced. Marketing your book is one of those foggy areas which can bring about wonderful results, as well as a few rotten tomatoes. After all, we fledgling authors are only learning the ropes and in an ever changing method of play, the internet has undoubtedly given us a huge and exciting playing field in which to kick our product about shamelessly.
But not everyone plays nicely.
Here I will identify the green-eyed monsters which you (newly published writers) ought to be aware of once you throw your polished up baby into the wind.
So your book is on sale and you’ve created a spanking new book page, added every friend and his dog to it, and – as most fool-proof marketing guides have taught you – uploaded images, sales links, each and every book review you receive, and every single morsel of news your book attracts.
But be wary. Monsters lurk silently behind the screen, for according to eastern beliefs (which are always damn right) there will always be a yang lurking somewhere near to a ying! And it doesn’t always have your best interests in mind!
The green-eyed envy monster.
Generally harmful, but exceedingly annoying! This invisible incessant Facebook lurker is the one who will stare enviously at your page posts whilst sucking sour grapes from beneath the lazy-ass Facebook tree. This monster spends his/her days and nights locked within an internal battle of inner desire and self-hatred. They want, what you HAVE. But they doubt their ability so much it kills them to watch you swiftly and confidently collect your tokens of success. These monsters cannot always be identified, but you will generally find they have written very little themselves, but respond to your own success with disassociated and silent envy, producing only the occasional snarky comment when it’s bile has reached too high in its throat.
Best of course of action: Continue to succeed!
The brainless animated monster.
Not to be fed after dark. This monster is always high on adrenalin and will gush animatedly about your ‘faaaabulous book darling.’ But only to you! Because in reality, right after they’ve commented on your post, he/she can’t remember who you are. Two seconds later they can’t remember your name. Nor do they have a clue what you have written… nor do they care.. Enough said! This monster is insecure but harmless, possesses meaningful intentions, but also the intelligence of a toad on crack . Not a monster to be generally afraid of really.
Best course of action: Be forgiving.
The groupie monster
This one is sly and dangerous. He/she is already copy/pasting parts of your works as soon as it is published and trying to assemble your ideas into a completely different story. This monster has a fast moving mind, trickery at heart, but will never admit to its own failings. He/she idolises and hates you in equal measure. It will suck up everything you do like a bottom-feeding pond insect, whilst maintaining a superficial air of discovery followed by gushing well wishes. In reality, he/she wants to be you.. and the quickest path there is to emulate you in darkest corners of its twisted mind.
Best Course of Action: Once identified, BLOCK from all news streams and updates.
The cynical monster.
He feeds himself on cynical doubt. Your shining new book review could only have been written by your own mother/friend. There is no room for belief when the cynical monster is at play. You cannot win with this one. He/she will turn a cold shoulder to your success, because facing up to the truth that you have ‘earned’ it is harder to stomach than his or her own inadequacy. Harmless but irritating, all the same.
Best course of action: Ignore.
If you do not encounter any of these monsters on the back of your own writing success you simply haven’t marketed your book ENOUGH. So go back, post your news, and continue to stuff it down every monsters throat day in.. and day out. Shove your book deep and hard. And NEVER apologise for singing your own praises on your own writing blog/book website/page or forum, because very very few will do it for you.
Which monsters lurk on the other side of your screen?